Wednesday, September 4, 2013

A New Chapter

These are my boys.  My three beautiful boys.  For some reason, in God's Great Wisdom, they are now growing up without their father.  As far as my younger two are aware, Daddy got a little sick.  He had surgery, then he got better.  Then he went to the hospital a couple of times (and to many doctors LOADS of times) over the next 18 months, while life got really unpredictable and crazy.  And then we went to a really neat place called "Hospice" and never came back home.  And they are okay with it all.  When I tried explaining to them that Daddy has gone to Heaven and it's just going to be Mummy now, they stared blankly at me for half a second before asking (in unison), "Can we play Wii now?"  For my nine year old, it's been a bit tougher.  He has known all along, from the very first ER trip when they found that weird thing called a "tumor" in Daddy's brain, all the way up to the night that Daddy died.  He knew what cancer was, and that cancer in the brain is very bad.  In fact, almost everyone with cancer in their brains ends up in Heaven within a couple of years.  He knew about every disappointing MRI and every change in protocol.  And he knew that Daddy was definitely going to Heaven months before he actually did.  But, this amazing boy wanted to trade places with Daddy.  He wanted the tumor instead, because from what he had heard, Heaven was supposed to be AWESOME and he couldn't wait to go!  I think that made Daddy a little sad, but it also helped him not to be so afraid.  And this incredibly brave nine year old was in the room while his Daddy was breathing slower and slower and slower through the night getting ready to go.  Because he wanted to be there.

So here we are, two months later.  Life goes on.  The younger two have continued on without skipping a beat.  And, to be honest, their big brother has managed quite well.  We are finally homeschooling again and fall activities are starting up.  We hit the ground running every morning, and get through every day.  Most days involve a lot of screaming, as Mummy's patience is virtually non-existent at the moment, but we also have a lot of cuddles and the occasional laugh.  Although, Mummy doesn't exactly appreciate the poop-centered humor of the youngest.  But, we are slowly but surely getting there.  We are getting to the place that God has planned for us.  A place where the house is a little cleaner, the kids are a little more educated, Mummy feels a little more rested and becomes a bit more fun again.  One thing we have regained in this house is storytime.  Books had gone out the window for a long time, but we are dusting them off and pulling them out again.  But, I've also had my hand at oral storytelling as well.  Now, this is something I am absolutely abysmal at.  I can't make up stories worth a darn, BUT I can remember crazy and silly things I got up to in my childhood.  So, I've been telling those.  And after a night of telling a few about me, and the very few stories that I've heard about Daddy when he was a boy, I got an idea.  I want to create a book for the boys.  A Book of Golden Stories.  Filled with short stories starring family members.  Real stories.  It's going to take some work.  It's going to take an awful lot of time.  But, I think I need to do this.  I need to do it for them, and for me.  My memory is awful.  Daddy was the one who always remembered every funny story and had to remind me (and even then, I often had no recollection of what he was talking about).  But, when I find a spare moment (in my copious spare time, you know) I am going to try to remember as many stories as I can.  And write them all down.  I'm also going to enlist the help of my parents, sister, extended family, and my husband's family to tell me stories that I may have forgotten or maybe never even heard.  I will put them in a book, but I will also put them here.  I also need to write.  It is a part of me.  Things build up and the only way I can get it all out is by putting fingers to the keyboard.  So, I hope you don't mind, but I will be pouring out my own frustrations, joys, observations, sufferings and celebrations here.  This may come in fits and starts as I am up to my eyeballs in trying to put this family back together.  But, it will come.  Stay tuned.

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